BTS’ Tubbs & Crockett Earns High Marks, Apple Burgers Still Suck [BOTM REVIEW]

23
Sep
2014

We’re champions of creativity here at Burger Days– it’s one of the reasons we highlight the area’s special monthly burgers with our BOTM posts. Not content with just reading about them, we also make it our mission to seek out and throw each of these creations into our faces.

And now, we’re hitting you with the reviews while THESE BURGERS ARE STILL AROUND, so you can actually find out which of the BOTMs you should eat…or avoid.

Our review of September’s BOTMs:

"It was the pickles, wasn't it?"

“It was the pickles, wasn’t it?”

Tubbs & Crockett – Burger Tap & Shake

EXT. NASH HOTEL – POOLSIDE

A woman suns herself while reclining in lounge chair, sipping a cocktail in the hot Miami sun. A figure can be seen approaching in the reflection of her tinted sunglasses. She slowly pulls her glasses down to see DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW with her obstructed gaze.

WOMAN

Detective Strongjaw, I didn’t expect to see you again.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

We have unfinished business, you and I.

DETECTIVE STRONGJAW hovers above her. A swift ocean breeze blows his jacket open, revealing his badge on one hip, and revolver on the other. A PHIL COLLINS song begins to play softly in the background. The two remain locked in uncomfortable silence.

WOMAN

Can I assume you’re here about the burger?

DETECTIVE STRONGJAW removes his glasses.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

I thought you said you didn’t know anything about a burger.

WOMAN

I told those other officers what they needed to hear. I wasn’t there the night Jimmy was shot and I haven’t seen Skyler in over a year. My alibi is clean…which you’ve known all along. So if you’re here right now, I can only assume it’s about the burger. Tell me, de-tec-tive, what did you think?

DETECTIVE STRONGJAW shifts his weight between his legs and looks over his shoulder. He is visibly uncomfortable.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

I’m not sure. I…I don’t think I should have come here.

WOMAN

Nevertheless, here you are. So tell me what you thought. Clearly you had no problem with the beef, their meat is always so well-seasoned and cooked to order. Was it the roasted pork? No no….you enjoy meat on top of meat, don’t you? Especially when the pork is juicy with subtle flavors. It wasn’t an in-your-face barbecue flavor, was it? No, this roasted pork had just the right amount of flavor to where it worked with the beef…melded with it.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

It was damn good. Really juicy. Let’s just get back to the case.

WOMAN

And it wasn’t the Dijon aioli that put you in such a tizzy. You made your amends with mustard seed a while ago. With this burger, the Dijon aioli pulled the it all together nicely. Sure, they might go a little heavy handed with the amount but since when have you worried about getting your hands dirty.

The Phil Collins song plays louder now as DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW returns his sunglasses to his face. Confidence returns to his posture.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

We’ll be in touch…..don’t leave town

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW turns to walk away

WOMAN

It was the pickles, wasn’t it?

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW stops in his tracks. His back is turned to the WOMAN. His shoulders slump.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

The pickles. I ate every one of them…and I enjoyed them. I….I ate pickles.

WOMAN

Those were bread and butter pickles, detective. Not as biting and vinegary as your typical dill from a jar. There’s simply nothing to be ashamed of. The burger was good, and you enjoyed it, despite your strict “Meat and Cheese” burger code. Your eyes are open now and you can see there are other condiments besides ketchup and barbecue sauce. You’ve tasted but a sample. Stick with me, detective, and I’ll open your eyes to flavors you’ve never dreamed…

DETECTIVE STRONGJAW cuts her off before she can finish her thought.

DETECTIVE HANK STRONGJAW

I know who I am.

OVERHEAD SHOT of the Hotel Nash pool. Camera pulls back to show DETECTIVE STRONGJAW slowly walking away. The WOMAN returns her glasses to their initial position and slowly takes a sip from her cocktail. PHIL COLLINS plays loudly as the camera continues to pull back, and slowly fades to black.

– Matt (@yaysaps)

BOTM Rating (out of 10):

Taste: 8; Creativity: 7; Overall: 8

Verdict:

putitintheface

2200 Pennsylvania Ave NW | DC | burgertapandshake.com

 

bgroktoberfest2

Brats on beef.

Oktoberfest – BGR The Burger Joint

Look at that, late September comes around and somebody breaks out an Oktoberfest-inspired burger. You could set a watch to it. Well, set a calendar to it? Nevermind.

BGR decided to wait halfway through the month to drop their burger of the month. It was a mixed bag. Topping a burger with a bratwurst seems like a waste of meat, no matter how good their brat (this wasn’t a bad one, but it wasn’t amazing either. Trust me, I know. I’m a sausage professional.) The kraut was good, which is not something I’d ever thought to say as most hot sauerkraut smells like death warmed over (literally.) While the cheese was all but an afterthought, the ale mustard was both sweet and piquant, and the bun, oh man the bun. The idea of pretzel buns is kind of puzzling. Not sure why it became a fad, no matter how much we all like soft pretzels, at some point you’re gonna realize you don’t necessarily want to eat it like a sandwich – you want to mindlessly dip it in cheese or mustard and forget about it entirely the minute it’s gone. BGR’s pretzel bun was solidly browned, actually had some tooth to it, and tasted decent.

Cramming Bavaria onto and around a burger? Feh. Not the worst execution, but is this just a legacy, something we’ll never get past?

– Jeb (@jebgavin)

BOTM Rating (out of 10):

Taste: 6; Creativity: 1; Overall: 4

Verdict:

putitintheface

11 locations in D.C., Maryland and Virginia | bgrtheburgerjoint.com

 

Nacho Burger – Bobby’s Burger Palace

Many people don’t know the history of nachos and how we got blessed with their divine cheesy goodness.[BEGIN HISTORY LESSON]  It started back in 1943 when Ignacio “Nacho” Anaya threw together some tortilla chips, cheddar and jalapeño for some hungry ladies. Nachos took off from there but didn’t become what we know today until Frank Liberto slathered the chips in “cheese sauce” and sold them at Texas Rangers games in 1976. [END HISTORY LESSON]

This month, last year, we had our first taste of the Bobby’s Burger Palace Nacho BOTM. The ingredients were good, but the execution was off. This time around, Flay made a few tweaks that really seemed to help pull-off the nachoness.

The smoky chipotle salsa provides some kick along with the pickled jalapeño and, this year, instead of large pieces of blue corn tortilla chips, Flay crushed them up to even out the consistency. Additionally, instead of smothering the thing in cheese sauce, the burger featured a solid amount of cheese but not so much that your hands were covered with the stuff afterwards.

On the night I went, perhaps the burger gods (the guys cooking) were smiling down upon me because I was bequeathed with a perfectly cooked, juicy patty. With the small adjustments and excellent execution, this nacho burger became a winner in my book.

– Adam (@addc)

BOTM Rating (out of 10):

Taste: 8.95; Creativity: 2; Overall: 8

Verdict:

putitintheface

5 locations in D.C., Maryland and Virginia | bobbysburgerpalace.com

 

dwoodbaconapplebrie

Just say now to apples on burgers.

Apple & Brie – Dogwood Tavern

Apples on burgers. I just don’t get it.

After BGR’s failed attempt at the fruit-topped burger in August, Dogwood Tavern decided to give the unholy combination of bacon, Brie and apple another try this month. While I’d still never order this thing again, Dogwood’s version is an upgrade and improves upon BGR’s try.

On the bacon and Brie front, the burgers were pretty much a wash. Both joints featured adequately-melted cheese – BGR’s a bit more so – and decent bacon, though Dogwood hooked up more, and crisper, pig candy.

As for the apple, well, Dogwood trumped BGR in that department, too, but just barely. Rather than one huge, raw slab of apple like the Burger Joint tossed on its burger, Dogwood decided to grill up several thin slices of the fruit before adding them to the mix. The consistency of the apple was awful but cooking it mellowed the flavor…so…there’s that. I guess if I’m choosing what I didn’t like the least between the two, I’d have to give it to Dogwood’s floppy, chewy and soggy apple slices.

The big (and probably only) thing I welcomed was the loss of the balsamic drizzle bath BGR subjected us to. Instead of overpowering, vinegar-soaked onions, Dogwood went with an unconventional, but weirdly tasty, cinnamon “aioli.” Intensely flavored, the kitchen crew was smart enough to use the sauce with restraint, with only a small drizzle of the powerful spice-infused mayo on top. It was subtle, but a surprisingly-enjoyable inclusion that I’d like to try again. But only without the apples.

OK, I get it. Fall is apple season. But for the love of God, stop putting the damn things on burgers.

– Jody (@burgerdays)

BOTM Rating (out of 10):

Taste: 5.5; Creativity: 7.5; Overall: 5.5

Verdict:

putitintheface

132 West Broad Street | Falls Church | dogwoodtavern.com

SEPTEMBERBOTMrankingsgood

2014YTDBOTMrankingsSep

 

 

 

 



  • Adam

    I do give BGR credit for the Muenster nod. Should be on more burgers. Melts well, has a mild but still somewhat rich flavor. I’ve never had it in an application I don’t like. I do need to get in their for that pumpkin shake…



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